Men Need Time Alone
After my grandfather died, my grandmother and I were talking one day. She made the comment that one thing that she would change from them being together is that he would have his own space at the house. With multiple kids and working full time, things weren't always easy.
Under normal conditions, my grandfather's sitting place was in the den of the house. When us grandkids would come over for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or other holidays, he would retreat to the bedroom to get away from everyone. Then re-emerge when summoned or once he had time to reset. When my grandmother and I were having this conversation, originally I thought it was because of overload from the kids being all of the house and noise that comes along with having kids. I was somewhat correct about this. As the years have passed by, I realize it is not just the constant go of multiple kids, but also the pressures of life and other thoughts that comes with maintaining house, family, career, and other areas.
She insisted that once I get in the family phase of life, regardless of who it was with (because I was in a long-term relationship at the time of this conversation), that I make sure that I have my own space in the house where I could get away from wife and kids. She went on to explain how men see and process things differently. For my grandfather, she explained he wouldn't always talk about it, but whatever it was, it would get handled. I don't recall the exact word she stated, but she pointed that men need time to think as they typically are not vocal about their problems or struggles. Whereas women typically will talk about their problems and the collective minds would work through the problem together.
My aunt mentioned that she had to tell her kids she needs 30 minutes from stepping in the house to decompress and to not bombard her, unless it an emergency. After that she'd make herself available for conversation and any other matters that the kids needed to have addressed. From both of these examples, it now makes more sense on why you have to force yourself to decompress. Towards the end of the workday today, I mentally crashed out. Like the work wasn't going to get worked on because my brain felt overworked.
The weekday routine of work, kids, bedtime, repeat, has become almost mundane. Taking a slightly different route home or to work can make you more aware, but that one driver that keeps tapping the brakes because he or she doesn't want to pass the 18-wheeler is beyond frustrating. The rest of us would like to get to our destination. This overworking made me realize I need to do something different. Find more ways to isolate self when need be, but not alienate others.
It also makes me wonder with the increasing number of mental health diagnosis, is the way of life in America really as great as they claim. Seems contradictory, especially with more road rage events and acts of violence where people who are in the wrong place at the wrong time get caught up in. Maybe we all should read the DSM-5 and give ourselves some space to think.